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Should A Marriage Be Saved When A Woman Hates Sex?

Friday, June 11th, 2010

Jarod was muscular, handsome and ready to walk – away from his marriage. “My wife Christina really does hate sex,” he told us. “At least since our kids were born. Is there any way you can help me so I want to save this marriage instead of hitting the road?”

Jarod told her about us and she decided to come to our sessions as well. “I love Jarod but I can’t stand his touching me,” she said. “I know he’s ready to leave, but if it means that I have to put up with his sexual stuff, I don’t care if we save this marriage or not.”

If sex disgusts you – if it’s a bother – or a waste of time – or it hurts – or is repulsive – or makes you feel dirty – or used – or you never experience pleasure from it…you need to realize that your reactions are not normal. This is a very common problem that women women suffer through at the expense of their relationships. The thing to remember is that people don’t start thinking or acting a certain way for no reason. If you think you’ve gone through all the causes, forward and backward, and have come to the conclusion that sex is still all the things we mentioned above, don’t pass on this yet. You may have missed that one ingredient that will make a difference in your life.

There always is a cause behind an emotion, a feeling, or a behavior. If you think you’ve gone through all the causes, forward and backward, and have come to the conclusion that sex is still all the things we mentioned above, don’t pass on this yet. You may have missed that one ingredient that will make a difference in your life.

Other brain chemicals are released, too, like serotonin and endogenous opioids, the body’s equivalent of heroin. Sex really does relax you and improve your mood. It’s also why some people can immediately go to sleep.

There’s a scientific side, too. When two people engage in sex, two of the neurochemicals that are released are vasopressin and oxytocin. These two chemicals interact with one small but very important part of the brain that is not activated by any other emotion. This area of the brain is the same one that generates the euphoria induced by drugs – like cocaine, for example. Love, in other words, uses the same brain mechanisms that are used during the process of addiction.

Serotonin and endogenous opioids are the body’s equivalent of heroin creating a state of euphoria. Sex really does relax you and improve your mood. It’s also why some people can immediately go to sleep. All of these things tell you one thing. Only that sex is important to all of us on a number of levels: emotional, psychological and physical; gluing relationships together.

* There was a priest/pastor and/or a parent who told her that, according to the Bible, sex is dirty and shameful, and she should indulge in it only to have a baby. The Bible teaches no such thing. The bible actually teaches just the opposite.

* Her religious beliefs tell her to believe that the Bible denounces sex as dirty and shameful, and that having a child as the result is the only purpose. The Bible teaches no such thing. The bible actually teaches just the opposite.

* Someone in a position of authority told her that sexual pleasure was for the man. There are some bad apples who think this way, but most men do not.

Our counseling experience has exposed these reasons and even more. If you treasure your marriage and want to save it, find out why you don’t enjoy sex with your guy and then determine to do everything you can to change the circumstances. We have written a lot about why women (or men) turn off in our books and material at www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com because we know how important it is to a relationship and to the stability of a marriage.

Tell your man today that you need his help because you are determined to conquer this: “I want our marriage to survive, Honey, and I know this is an important part of that.” He’ll be deeply grateful that you love him enough to try, not only to come to the point of desiring him, but because you want to save your marriage.

Involve your partner and make a effort to beat this pattern of thought: “I want our marriage to survive, Honey, and I know this is an important part of that.” He’ll be deeply grateful that you love him enough to try, not only to come to the point of desiring him, but because you want to save your marriage. Your goal will be to like – adore – cherish lovemaking – not dislike or just tolerate it. Unless you make a conscious effort to change this attitude you may lose your marriage as a result. Save your marriage – start on it today.

Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

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